FADE IN:

INT. FLOYD'S BARBERSHOP -- LATE MORNING

Andy, Barney, Floyd, and other men celebrate Floyd's 25th anniversary. Andy sings and plays guitar with Barney's harmonica accompaniment.

ANDY

I'm a headin' uptown for a trim off the top. Only one place to go and that's Floyd's Barbershop. Ol' Floyd's got the best clip joint in town, breaks out the scissors for those snippin' sounds. Floyd's Barbershop where I can make some noise, play the guitar, and sing with the boys. Music to snip by, that's what we call it; choose to tip right, straight from the wallet at Floyd's Barbershop.

Floyd wrote a song he sang to you and me: "Hail to thee, Miss Mayberry."  Participated in Founder's Day, played the starring role in the local play; yet he still made time to cut some hairs, a true Mayberrian who really cares. From bankers to salesmen to the country farmer, they all make the journey to see the barber at Floyd's Barbershop.

FLOYD

Thank you, Andy. Oh, that, hey, oh, that sounded good.

Others agree with pats on Andy's back.

BARNEY

Yeah, me and Andy figured you'd like that, Floyd.

Barney is ignored; he speaks louder.

BARNEY

Yeah, but, you know, it wouldn't have been the same without my French harp playing.

FLOYD

(less distracted)

What's that?

BARNEY

I was saying that your song wouldn't have been the same without my French harp.

ANDY

Oh, yeah, it would've sounded different.

(slowly)

It definitely would've been different.

FLOYD

To think I've been cutting hair in this same place for 25 years!

ANDY

Speaking of cutting, I think we'd better cut into that cake.

FLOYD

Uh? Oh, okay. You know, time sure goes by fast. Why, it seems like only yesterday that I was cutting your hair, Andy.

ANDY

(smiling)

Well, Floyd, it was yesterday.

FLOYD

What? Oh, you know what I mean-- when you were a little boy, not much bigger than Opie.

ANDY

Yeah, boy, I've got a lot of "extree" good haircuts in here.

BARNEY

Well, mine weren't always that good. Remember that time in grade school when Floyd slipped with the razor?

ANDY

Oh, yeah. And you got that bald spot.

BARNEY

Yeah, and all the kids asked me if I had a fight with an Indian.

FLOYD

You fidgeted a lot when I cut your hair then. You were real sensitive to the clippers.

Andy looks at back of Barney's head.

BARNEY

High-spirited maybe, but I wasn't sensitive. If there's one thing I can't stand, that's people saying I'm sensitive.

(to Andy)

What are you doing?

ANDY

Just seein' if any "tommyhawks" gotta hold of ya lately!

BARNEY

Oh, you're real funny . . . put a derby hat on you, call you Charlie Chaplin. Then maybe you'd be silent!

Ben Weaver--owner of Weaver's Department Store, Floyd's building space, and other properties--enters.

ANDY

Well, Ben, come on in. Just in time for a little cake.

BEN

(bitter expression)

I didn't come in here for cake. No, sir, I came in to let Mr. Lawson know that his lease is up.

FLOYD

(perfunctorily)

Oh, okay, Ben, where do you need me to sign?

BEN

You won't need to sign anything this time. I've found someone who's willing to pay double the amount you're paying me. A gentleman by the name of Ron Goodall who is going to help Mayberry expand into something much bigger and better. So, unless you can triple your current rent, then you need to move out of here.

ANDY

You know Floyd ain't got that kind of money.

BARNEY

Yeah, and you can't just close Floyd's Barbershop.

BEN

Who says I can't?  

Barney bugs his eyes and backs up.

BEN (cont'd)

(to Floyd)

Your lease is up at the end of this week.

(exits)

BARNEY

Well, of all the nerve. Let's run him in, Andy.

ANDY

On what charge?

BARNEY

For closing Floyd's Barbershop. That's what's for.

ANDY

Well, Barn, I don't think that's against the law.

BARNEY

It oughta be.

(to Floyd)

Don't you worry, Floyd; I'll figure something out.

(exits)

ANDY

Well, Floyd, what are you gonna do?

FLOYD

Do? What can I do?

CUT TO:

INT. TAYLOR HOUSE -- NOON

Andy, Aunt Bee, and Opie eat lunch at the dinner table.

AUNT BEE

How can Ben do such a thing to Floyd?

ANDY

That's Ben Weaver for you.

OPIE

Pa, why does Mr. Weaver want to close Floyd's?

ANDY

It means more money for Ben, and ol' Ben likes making that money. Then keeps most of it for himself. The "Miser of Mayberry," you might call him.

OPIE

Where's Ben gonna get his hair cut now?

ANDY

Well, he don't have to worry 'bout that too much. He's a little thin on top, unlike you.

(rubs Opie's head)

Which reminds me, young man, you could use a haircut.

OPIE

Okay, Pa.

AUNT BEE

It's such a shame that Ben can't see how special and unique Floyd's is. So many people will do anything for more money, regardless of who they hurt.

ANDY

Yeah, more money, more changes. I hear this new fella, Ron Goodall's his name, I hear he's got big expansion plans for Mayberry.

OPIE

What's "expansion," Pa?

ANDY

Expansion? Well, that's when things grow, get bigger. They expand outward.

OPIE

What's wrong with that?

AUNT BEE

What's wrong is that some innocent people might get stepped on and hurt along the way.

OPIE

Oh.

(pause)

Oh! I think I know what you mean.

ANDY

You do?

OPIE

Yeah. The other day I stepped on a bug and hurt it real bad.

ANDY

Well, son, that's not quite what your Aunt Bee means.

AUNT BEE

You'd think Ben would have more compassion and respect for tradition. Why, Floyd's shop is practically a historical landmark in Mayberry.

ANDY

Yeah, yeah, you're right. But I don't know how to change his mind. I've tried to reason with the man before, but he gets stubborn, set in his ways. It's like he don't remember the good times he's had at Floyd's. But that was years and years ago when he wasn't as mean and bitter. Well, I better get back to the office. Fine lunch, Aunt Bee. Thank you.

Andy kisses Bee on left cheek and exits.

AUNT BEE

(to Opie)

You better get over to Floyd's for that haircut.

OPIE

Okay, Aunt Bee.

Camera shows Opie in deep thought.

CUT TO:

INT. MAYBERRY COURTHOUSE -- MINUTES LATER

Barney sits at the main desk. Andy enters.

ANDY

Hey, Barn.

BARNEY

Andy, I've been studying on how we can stop Ben from closing Floyd's.

ANDY

You have?

BARNEY

Okay, now you go move Ben's car into a no-parking zone, then I'll go arrest him and bring him in for questioning.

ANDY

No, Barney.

BARNEY

Then when he argues about the ticket, we lock him up for arguing with authority.

ANDY

No!

BARNEY

Hear me out! Now while he's locked up . . .

ANDY

Barney!

Enter Floyd.

ANDY

Hey, Floyd.

FLOYD

Hi, I just came by to let you know I'll be leaving Mayberry next week.

ANDY

You're what?

BARNEY

Leaving?

ANDY

But you can open up a shop somewhere's else in Mayberry.

FLOYD

No, Andy, it just wouldn't be the same. No, my location right now has that right feel to it, the right atmosphere.

ANDY

But Floyd . . .

FLOYD

Oh, it's really for the best. I was thinking that it's time for me to move on. Maybe do some traveling, sightseeing out west. And I think there's a carnival with a bearded lady in Mt. Pilot. When I find a place that I like, then I might stay there for a while. Not really in a hurry. Well, I better get back to the shop.

(exits)

ANDY

(yells)

Floyd!

BARNEY

Boy, this new guy coming to town better watch out.

ANDY

Oh?

BARNEY

He's gettin' a ticket if I catch him doing any jaywalking or parking by a fire hydrant.

ANDY

I wonder why this fella is willing to pay so much to Ben.

BARNEY

'Cause he's a nut.

ANDY

Barney!

BARNEY

Well,

(pause)

Hey! What if someone said they'd pay Ben even more than this stranger coming to town? And then when Ben told this Goodall fellow to get lost, this new tenant doesn't show up. And by the time Ben realizes it, Goodall's moved on.

ANDY

No, I don't think that'd work.

BARNEY

Why?

ANDY

Well, for one, who is willing to pay Ben more than this Goodall's offering?

BARNEY

Me.

ANDY

You?

BARNEY

Yeah, I'll disguise myself, and Ben won't ever know it was me.

ANDY

Hmmm, I don't think so.

BARNEY

Andy, will you leave it to me? I can outsmart ol' Ben Weaver.

ANDY

No, Barney. Now, I'm gonna go patrolling. But don't you do anything to mess things up more than they already are.

Barney, with light bulb of inspiration, steps into the back room.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. WEAVER'S DEPARTMENT STORE -- 30 MINUTES LATER

Barney is in an elderly Texas oilman disguise-- mustache, beard, cowboy hat, cane, boots, strong Texas accent. Ben is at the cash register.

BEN

(hesitantly curious)

Can I help you?

BARNEY

Mr. Weaver, I presume? My name is Douglas, Tex Douglas from Texas. But you can call me Mr. Opportunity. Because I have an opportunity for you that can't be refused.

BEN

Oh?

BARNEY

I understand that you have a piece of property for rent there on Main Street, where Floyd's Barbershop is located. Now I'm willing to pay you double the amount that your highest bidder said he'll pay.

BEN

What would you do with the building?

Camera shows Opie on the outside who walks by the store window, stops, enters the store, and walks up to Barney and Ben.

BARNEY

Well, I own Douglas Oil back in Texas; and I've been expanding my oil empire out to the East Coast. Now what you can do is let all your other potential buyers know that you've received a better offer and . . .

OPIE

Barney?

BARNEY

(normal voice)

What? Uh . . .

(disguised voice)

Run along little boy while the old folks do business.

BEN

Barney? Barney Fife?!

(pulls cowboy hat and fake mustache off)

BARNEY

(to Opie)

Don't you know when to be seen and not heard?

(exits)

BEN

Well, what do you want?

OPIE

Oh, nothing, Mr. Weaver. I was just on my way to Floyd's for a haircut, and then I seen Barney playin' Halloween.

BEN

Oh, well, here, have some candy for helping me see Barney was playing . . . Halloween.

OPIE

Gee, thanks, Mr. Weaver.

BEN

I was on my way to Floyd's myself.

CUT TO:

INT. FLOYD'S BARBERSHOP -- CONTINUOUS

Floyd is sweeping. Ron Goodall enters.

RON

Mr. Lawson?

FLOYD

Yes?

RON

Goodall's the name. Ron Goodall. And doing all the good is what I'm all about.

FLOYD

Glad to meet you, Mr. Allgood, uh, All, er, Goodall.

RON

Well, I'll soon be the new owner of this space.

FLOYD

Owner? I thought you were gonna rent from Ben Weaver?

RON

Just a technicality. I'll get that straightened out. Money talks, you know. And this old building will soon be torn down and rebuilt--Ron Goodall style!

FLOYD

Tuh, tuh, tore down? Bu, but why?

RON

Well, Floyd--you don't mind if I call you Floyd, do you?

FLOYD

Uh, no, I . . .

RON

Good, well, let me tell you. I'm here to turn Mayberry into an eventual Mayberry Metropolis. Big plans for Mayberry, yes, sir. Hotels, restaurants, more shops, and I've got what it takes to do it--MONEY.

(looks around)

We need to get all this out of here before the demolition crew gets here. Although, I don't blame you if you want to leave most of this stuff in here. It does look mostly like some worthless junk, huh?

FLOYD

Junk? Why, no. There's a lot of sentimental things in here, a lot of Mayberrian memories.

RON

Hmmm. I s'pose so, if you go for that kind of sentimentality. Well, I'll be back in a little while. Have a goodall day everyday.

CUT TO:

EXT. MAIN STREET -- CONTINOUS

OPIE

Mr. Weaver?

BEN

Yeah?

OPIE

Why you closing Floyd's?

BEN

I'm a businessman, and a good businessman often does things that doesn't please everyone.

OPIE

Is Floyd a "biznusman"?

BEN

Well, yeah.

OPIE

But he ain't gonna be a "biznusman" no more when he leaves Mayberry, is he?

BEN

Leaving? Where did you hear that?

OPIE

I seen my Pa patrolling a while ago, and he says Floyd's gonna leave Mayberry and head west with a bearded lady. Don't you like Floyd?

BEN

What I'm doing has nothing to do with whether I like him or not.

OPIE

Floyd's one of the nicest people I know. He always gives me a lollipop after he cuts my hair.

BEN

(pauses to reflect)

His uncle used to do that, too.

OPIE

His uncle?

BEN

Yeah. Floyd's uncle used to run that barber shop before Floyd. Why, I was no bigger than you when I got my hair cut there.

OPIE

Did you have more hair back then?

BEN

Well, yeah.

(reminisces)

And I remember what I said each time before he cut my hair: "Let's start with a haircut and shave. And then we'll see if we can get my sideburns even." He'd laugh every time.

OPIE

You had a beard when you was a little kid?

BEN

What? No, it was just a running joke we had.

OPIE

Oh. That sounds fun. I wish Floyd wasn't leaving. I think I'll be needin' a shave from him "purty" soon.

(feels chin)

How much does it cost?

BEN

(laughs)

I don't know. His uncle never even charged me for a haircut when I was little. He knew my family didn't always have enough money.

OPIE

My Pa's told me that friendship is more important than any amount of money. And my Pa told me you like gettin' money.

BEN

Well, don't you like making money?

OPIE

Oh yeah. I want to be a miser.

BEN

Why do you say that?

OPIE

Well, my Pa said you're the "Miser of Mayberry," and if that has to do with makin' money, then I'm all for that. 'Cause you're rich.

BEN

Well, son, a "miser" is a, well, it's not good. So, don't say you want to be a miser, 'cause then you won't have many friends. You see, a miser doesn't like to help others when they need help.

OPIE

Do you like to help others, Mr. Weaver?

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. FLOYD'S BARBERSHOP--CONTINUOUS

A customer exits as Andy and Barney enter. Floyd is straightening up things by the mirror.

ANDY

Floyd.

FLOYD

Hey, Andy, Barney. Well, not much left to do here except give a few more haircuts. And then I'll be on my way, traveling, sightseeing.

ANDY

Ah, don't worry, Floyd. We'll figure something out.

BARNEY

You know, Ange, this reminds me of the time when they wanted to add on to that road, which was to go right through our park that we played at as kids.

ANDY

Oh, yeah. You had those toy handcuffs, and you handcuffed yourself to the swing to protest.

BARNEY

Yeah.

FLOYD

Well, what happened?

ANDY

They built the road around Barney.

BARNEY

No, they didn't.

ANDY

No, but you didn't get out of those handcuffs until the next morning. Remember?

BARNEY

Yeah. Boy, they'd notice me now if I used real handcuffs.

ANDY

Well, you wouldn't do it today.

BARNEY

Oh, wouldn't I?

(gets out handcuffs)

ANDY

Barney, what are you doing?

BARNEY

I'm gonna prove you wrong, Sheriff!

(handcuffs himself to chair)

Let's see if this gets Ben's attention.

The young Opie enters followed by the elder Ben.

ANDY

Hey, Op.

OPIE

Hey, Pa. I came to get that haircut.

(to Barn)

What'cha doing now, Barney?

BARNEY

I'm protesting, that's what I'm doing.

FLOYD

Don't worry, Ben, I'll be out of here soon, if that's what you came to tell me.

BEN

Well . . .

Ron enters.

RON

There you are, Mr. Weaver. Do you have those papers ready for me to sign? Oh, but first, I know you want this: a check for the first month's rent.

(hands check to Ben)

Yes, sir, and there's a lot more where that came from. Why, after we renovate this town, Mayberry might change its name to Goodall- Weaverville.

Ben looks at the check, then Floyd, then Opie, pauses, and tears up the check.

RON

What are you doing? We have a deal.

BEN

Our deal has been canceled.

RON

But what about our plans?

BEN

You'll have to find somewhere else for your plans. Mr. Lawson and I have small plans here that already satisfy everyone in Mayberry.

FLOYD

We do? Oh, yeah, yeah, we do!

Ron exits.

ANDY

(to Barney)

Well, you can take those handcuffs off now.

BARNEY

Yeah.

(looks for key)

Let me find . . . the key . . . here . . .

(still looking)

ANDY

What'cha gonna do now, Houdini? Hey, I know, you look like you could use a haircut in a few days; so, while you're here, why don't you see 'bout gettin' an appointment with Floyd here!

Barney responds with a facial expression of annoyance and disgust.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. FLOYD'S BARBERSHOP -- FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER

Floyd, Andy, and Opie stand. Barney, still handcuffed, is using a file.

ANDY

Well, Floyd, I think your shop's gonna be here for another twenty- five years. Oh, I guess you can't leave to go do that traveling now, can you?

FLOYD

Travel? Oh, yes, oh, I'm still leaving.

ANDY

You are?

FLOYD

Yeah, but probably just for the day. Maybe go to Mt. Pilot, see that bearded lady!

ANDY

(smiling)

Can't stay away too long, can you? I don't blame you. It seems that everyone who leaves Mayberry returns at one point or another. It has that effect on you.

(puts arm around Floyd)

And the true essence of Mayberry involves Floyd's Barbershop. Why, without Floyd's, Mayberry is incomplete.

Ben enters followed by two men carrying new barbershop chair.

ANDY

What'cha got there, Ben?

BEN

Oh, it's a new chair for the shop.

FLOYD

Oh, uh, oh, a chair, a new one . . .

ANDY

Look out now! A two-chair shop!

BEN

Okay, take this old chair out to be reupholstered.

The two men detach the chair from floor.

BARNEY

Hey!

(yells louder, as chairis lifted)

Hey! Andy!

ANDY

Don't worry, Barn. You'll be back in plenty of time for your hair appointment!

Barney and two men with chair exit.

BEN

And your first customer for this new chair will be this little guy.

FLOYD

Okay, Opie, here you go.

(spins chair around for him)

Opie climbs into the chair; Floyd puts a covering on him.

OPIE

Okay, Floyd, let's start with a haircut and shave. And then we'll see if we can get my sideburns even.

Ben, Andy, and Floyd laugh.

FADE OUT.